Another Surgery Coming by:J.A. Burror

I am not one that believes that my feelings are alone. That I'm the only one that can feel and that does. Pain, Scared it's hard to pinpoint right on the cause. Sometimes you feel as if you need a swift kick in the butt. To have you come out of it. I mean this is something I've had for years and I hate it. Blood work, testing, more testing. And then ER visits that last days and some only to be sent home with orders and more medication. I Hate Medication, I get the need of such pills but really I hate it. It's as I turn into a scared child seeing the Doctor for the first time and it's after hearing all the nightmares about them.

My view point comes from my past that I have had. Why aren't there more Doctors in the ER that have bedside manners, I wonder about the cause. Could be very well that they see so much that their views on human compassion are tainted. I have not a clue as to what troubles theirs minds nor have I once asked. I was yelled at for going to the ER 'because I wasn't dying'. WOW what a Doctor I found. But the paperwork in black in white was clear I needed to see my Doctor ASAP for testing and surgery.

Doctors I get you are smart, worked hard to get where you are, but shouldn't you hear the person out of if they're in pain? At lest that's what I would think of a Doctor to be while I was younger, now I think time has changed my views. In and out of the ER as fast as you can, so they can help as many as they can in a timely way.

I'm thankful for the ones that stand out in the crowd. The ones that seem to care about your health and wanting to give of their time only as needed. But still they don't question your pain, doubt that you real can feel. Even some nurses can do the same, make a ER visit seem as less then a scary deal.


I had some test ran and Surgery is coming. This time it's my lower back, on both sides of my spine I have bumps. I can't lay on my back so they need to be out, the pain I dealt with for years. But they are growing and there's a new one that popped up in only 4 months of my last x-ray. I was told I would be laying on my stomach for sometime after. I first saw my Doctor doing my Surgery a few days ago, really it was Monday the 6th. I got a call with the date to be next week. I can't understand why so fast, what's the rush? I know I'm in pain but that never stopped the Doctors before and my healthcare from waiting. It just plays with your mind when normally something takes months, years for them to okay. Now it's pushed threw and I have no time to mentally think about it. The out come isn't that great with the rise, the bumps are very close to my spine so I was brought up the thoughts of what might go wrong.

Pain will come after surgery that's a given. You will be tired and need to rest the body, another given. Not being able to walk when before you could. Isn't part of the plan, but with each and every surgery done there are risk we take.

I've been in a wheelchair and still today I use a cane. So every time I fall, I meltdown and relive the times I couldn't stand on my own. Unable to walk I never realized what a gift that was in this world. Step by step and the baby ones to begin with. Like everything starts with baby steps of the body, of the brain. 

I had to postpone the date to next month, still have a lot of testing in the next few weeks. And with time off work and wanting to know the results of other test done before hand. I thought it was the right road to take on for now.

I haven't been talking much on the net, or face to face to my family. So don't feel wronged if I didn't come on here like at times before. My mind wouldn't leave me be and at lest I still have one I guess it's a good point to think of out of all this thinking I've been doing.

Helping my family with moving the front door and adding a window, building a deck. I haven't been a slacker these past weeks. I'm coming to terms with just because you try (like me trying to be on here daily or more then once a week) and thanes you can't help come up and you are left with being stuck in a busy circle.