So this is the thing, I've been laid up in bed unable to do anything. Legs raised above my heart to try to make the swelling go down. It's not working. I had a test ordered but do to where it was I had to go another rout. Now I'm waiting again, it's been nearly 3 months now and my legs feel as they will burst when I walk. What the Doctor had told me to do, my mom was fed up and now she's pushing the issue of me being in bed more then I was before. You can't blame her for being bossing about this.
Went to Doctor and test yet again. Wow I'm shocked!!! You could hear the sarcasm in my words as I write, Right? After laying around and really unable to get with it. I am talking about walking, moving, even staying awake. For days on end, I called the Doctor which told me to go right now to the ER. So here I go and I know the drill, you pee in a cup, they take your blood-presser, and someones kind enough to draw blood. All as you wait for hours up to 8 hours just to go back. That was the case when I had a head to toe rash so bad that my skin was peeling off. I mean bloody and so not pretty at all. I was told by a Doctor that because I wasn't Dying I had no reason to be there. I can't help but pray I don't meet with that some person. I also think I was given another persons paper work because everything they said I had. All the Doctors I went to because of those papers disproved everything from the ER Doctor I was seen by. Oh there is one thing he was right about, I am a Female. Now that's a brain buster.
My thoughts are all in a mess, might say I'm fully aware of being out of it. These days I can't really make since of things. And my heart feels heavy, to say the lest. It's normal for such thoughts to cross my mind every now and then. But this is getting to be a bit to much to take. Don't worry I won't and have no plans to back out of the game. I'm just tried that's all, it's just hard at times not to get down. When I'm in that state I cry it out, but what happens when your eyes refuse to shed. Even when you become so happy you find your neck becomes so wet as you cry without knowing the reason.
I'm sorry, but I really can't think of what to say at this moment. It's like I feel so much, but the words won't form right. To make since of all the nonsense. I'm really a mess aren't I? Not really, I think I'm just normal having one of those days. Where everything just gets to you and yet telling others only makes you view yourself as you are wining. And looking for them to notice you, but that is the wrong way to get noticed. I don't like having ones only see me in the bad light.
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