Last night the power went out. Could say I was alone, but it wasn't the case. The whole block got infected by the darkness. As there was a loud bang. Sounded like a gun shot, but thought to myself: How could it be? Then all at once the house went off, no internet. I mean really, Do they want me to just cry now? I got out on my chair in search of a flash light or candle to light. There's that bang again, the loud bang coming from near by. I knew I was in the house "safe in sound", I laughed as I wrote that out that line.
Loud bang and I heard the wild birds near by start to fly off.
Loud bang and the sound of birds in the night air.
Loud bang and it seems the silence of the night went away.
It filled the sky as if I was watching some horror movie being played out before me.
Still in repeat mode in my mind. I keep thinking about the question of, Why? The noises feeling the house. Leaving a cold chill that rushed throughout my being. I didn't know what to do, was going to turn everything off and go to bed. To be clear about what I had first planed to do. Honestly I'm still worn out from the past days and I need time just to rest my body. My great big plans for that night, mind you it's only just 7PM at this point. Was to dream the night away, underneath a warm blanket and holding my pillow as you would a pet. Only I found I was no longer in the mood.
I hate when it's completely dark and you can't see. This comes from when I lost my eyesight years ago. It's back yes, but I get scared I was tell you. Gives my mind all kinds of nasty thoughts. That don't have anything to do with passion of the night. They don't sit well with me, the rest of the day I find I'm in content reminder of the replay.
So hear I was writing this out old school with pen and paper. With my cat bagging for food and not leaving tell she got fed. But all this quit time gave away a game plan. I had been putting off so many things. Things I really shouldn't have left tell now to think about. So hear it is, I wrote out a daily plan. Listed a To Do List, so to speak. I am willing to give it a try, wanting to make this list work. I've been procrastinating about this even, making the list was a choir. I wrote out a plan of attack by-daily, weekly, monthly; as if that wasn't enough. Looking through these sheets and I must admit I went over broad on this. I was in depth, Great word. But my norm, going so in depth is difficult to stay with. That's why my thoughts and how I write is full of different things. I want to know so much. Willing and eager to learn, Just how does this world ticks?
I hate thoughts of hour by hour. I do realize that it's a must evil. Setting out a plan is not easy, so it might take time to make it a habit of mine. Took me so many years to start wanting to get healthy with my food. Still in working things out, always. It's because I want to stay on point but do fall off. When I fall, I crash. Not eating so much but eating wrong. Leaving me to feel horrible, it's just no way to keep living in that state of pain. I recall the bad experiences to great detail when choosing my late night snack. Realizing with everything, there comes a method that needs to be taken. A formula for decision.
Words I learned years before, had left me. It seems I need to start with the brushing up process. I will start from Basic, knowing I don't wish to leave anything out. This way I can relearn and brush up on what I do know at the same time. I am only me, so please bare with me. Not saying I know more then I do, wanting to be clear. As of now and forever this is a learning subject I really love. And will forever enjoy knowing this beautiful language. Everything takes time, Fine I'll give it that. I only wish I could skip to the part of knowing it fully. Wishful thinking on my brains part. Learning is fun, I really haven't uttered those words more then a hand full of times in my life. That being said you must get how passionate about this I really am. I'm just use to putting everything on the back burner for another project. Might seem to others that I just don't care enough to sick with the flow, so not the issue. I have great people wanting to share, wanting to learn with me. But I am no teacher, I'm in a struggle with my brain. So I find it hard to tell another: You did that wrong. When I might very well be in the wrong. I make no plans to lie about me, who I am is only me. Do never wish to have to make that choice.
What's right or wrong, is something I'm no at liberty to say to another.
If I have been there.
If I know right where you seem to be coming from.
If there's a chance that we could be the same on every note., I mean living in breathing everything. Every thought of mind. Every tearful cry and painful stab felt. Then it would be me telling myself off, not someone other then myself.
I understand reasons all arise, they creep up without knowing. Sometimes it's a must to feel you have to lie. Please note when someone says they're not lying and in turn does it so well. You might need to wonder about the person you are dealing with. If they are really worthy of your time or to be near your space. I only know my own opinion and I disapprove. Time and place for everything, who would tell the truth to a Mother about how her child might appear to others? I've seen some baby's that look like old men, with no hair. And these are girls I'm talking about. Of course I lie or not say anything at all, best to keep my mouth shut. I tin to share my thoughts to freely when asked. Others don't like what I have to say sometimes because I'm just a bit forward about telling how I see it. I kick myself sometimes for it, but don't really plan to change it. It's truthful, honest and I can't imagine being someone else. Another one I would lie, I have lied to another is on a death bed. That person wants hope, even without any. That doesn't mean the don't have the right to desire it.
As my eyes get heavy now and I find myself half awake. Lights still out, this means I have to keep it up. Stay awake for my own sanity. Cause when the lights return I will have to check everything out. I'm worried about my computer. I didn't close what I was on, in middle of conversation. Web sites up and I know it'll all return but still I hate the thought of it going like that. Stressed out because it's a total lack of control. Back on and glad, but still I'm writing old school. On my way now to look to see if the food got spoiled, Don't think so. That means cooking this week, yea. We can eat without the wast of having to buy what we already had. It's been so cold and it all should be fine, still might have to turn the next few days into all day cooking.
Woke up to check again, was told what happen. Some person drove into the power poll, and took down the power to everyone off that power poll. This is way better then me thinking it was gun shots, but still could have been bad for that person.
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