Saying your last Goodbye to someone can be so important. Missing that
once in a lifetime opportunity can leave you feeling. As if you missed out, having to burden yourself with your own regret of not saying
it. Those words are of the up most of importance, but then again.
Seeing someone you hold dear in a state of which they might be in. Could
be devastating all on its own. I don't know which is the best
path for each individual, this is a very hard question to ask of
yourself. I just know I chose not to be there in the last days. Sadden
by the thoughts that on one hand you have that person in visual sight.
Knowing they can speak and answer you if need be. Even laugh and tell
you off with a raised voice. Then the other hand that leaves a gaping
hole in your chest. Your tears that seem to engulf you, swallowing your
every way of speaking. I'm unsure about my decision not to see him one last time. Having to make a dissension within myself, should and shouldn't go. I
know I will come to feel sadder as the moments past me by in time. But
that is what I must bare. I own my choice I made and thus have to live
with it. Right or Wrong, that is still the choice I made without anyone
telling me what to do. I get some might not, never get the chance to
even say Goodbye. To begin with some might not know what has happen till
it's to late for that meeting. I am truly sorry for those of you. That
wanted to say Goodbye for the last time and couldn't.
You just want to shelter the situation and tell everyone that it's fine. Even when it's not sometimes, we as humans tin to show are fears in different ways. Some things should never be said, at those moments they find there way through. To creep in and prey on the hearts of the saddest times. Even trying to hang on while others seem to be the ones letting go. I don't understand this area of life and death. When I was a child growing up I viewed the world as a looking glass. Humans were ants and we were farming away. Trying are best not to get lost in the game of it all. Growing up, if I could be so bold to say I'm a grown up. My view on life hasn't changed a lot. I still view life as a rat race, everyone wants to play. Everyone is trying in their own ways. Whether you're right that it is something grand to the next, who knows. We all have different paths this I believe, but we all can share so much togetherness. It really is depressing when you think about how death makes people wake up. So to speak, it puts a grumbled mind back on track. Or just confuses the hell out of a person. In which case that is when you really need to grieve. Everyone has their own process of grieving and not everyone's views mimic to anthers. This being the point is we all grieve, a death of a family member. A love that left without closing the window. Leaving with so many unanswered questions that only fill your mind with doubts about everything. Leaning on another in times of heartache, this I really don't know that much about doing myself. But do feel it might help others with a more normal way of dealing with grief.
Feeling fully unaware of what is going on. Under foot ready, I missed out. But no one is to blame. Turning to a vice, for comfort of sorts. Writing is mine, Cooking is mine. I am still learning so I will make mistakes. I'm a human that believes you have to own up for your own actions in life. Riding the coat tails of another is bound to show and in what ways you might be lacking. Standing up is a Metaphor to doing the right thanes. I've read a lot of books on letting go. Mainly I was trying to forget, let go, move past a first love. I stopped being in-love, but have come to realize I will forever love the memories given to me. I treated my heartbreak like a death of love. Grieving in that manor was the only way I could grow to let go of my desire of the flashbacks I always had. But knowing how to move on isn't the same as this here. Because my past love didn't truly die, he lives. But someone I hold dear did, so I am left in a questionable state.
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