Okay so the funeral is under way, and it's going to be big. As it should, because my Grandpa was dearly loved. He was known within his faith so it's no shock to me to see the warmth of those in his faith coming out.
Everyday for the past so many months was all about different health problems. They tend to pile on to one another. I hate when it seems that bad always follows bad news. But in some cases it's the truth. We find are selves in so much pain that is left only to ask questions of why and how it all came to be.
There were family that truth is, I haven't spoken with for years. We just don't talk, not because we can't just we choose not too. Faith is very big with parts of my family so talking to a non-believer isn't always thought to be a good idea. It's hard when the clicks are within your own family. Sad in my view point, but yet I'm someone that believes we all have a right to think and believe how we want within are hearts. The only one that can truly judge us is God. I know I dislike a lot of people for different reasons. And I even hate a few for reasons of my own. I can't understand views of some, I don't get the actions of some. I don't know if I will ever sway to see in a different light.
All the pictures were out, showing my Grandpa so happy. As I really remember him always with a smile on his face. Old pictures and newer ones. I was on the broad as well, a picture about 8 years ago. I have lost about 200 pounds and was walking with a cane. So not what anyone remembered me as. I was the fat child, that grew up fatter then I was before. Sad when your own aunt asks: Who you are. Even when you're in the family sitting area. So many of my family had to take a double tack on me. But also my brother, and my sister in law they never even met.
People came and I was shocked by a few that seem to have cared far more then I would have even them credit for. Only hiring family, saying you don't hire family. Only adds to a added problem that really never leaves. I saw so many in so much pain, trying to keep it together the whole day. but couldn't fight back the tears in the beginning. As it started even the Speaker was having a noticeably had time forming his own words. back tracking because he seem to have misplaced something or forgot something.
I was planning on not crying, now don't think me as a Bitch or Evil thing. I just didn't know if I still had any tears left in me. I have been cry so much and it's not a big question of why. I have told about a lot of my pain and my health. So I cry a lot, my emotions are not my own when I think about someone of who he's going through. I cry with others, just thinking about different story's we have had and how we mean to one another. You see it's not that far off when I say I didn't know if I could. My health is always on my mind, I wish it weren't. But it never leaves me, each day is a test my body seems to give me. Waking up, everyday I wake up is a good thing. I just wish I wouldn't have to be the one waking up when others seems to be leaving.
After we all got together, got a place big enough to hold us all. And it was nice, there was a sharing mic and all the kids would go up and say how they missed him. Story's came out of how people met and I really got to know even more about what kind of person my Grandfather was.
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